*static*
06.24.04 (3:27 pm) [edit]*clicking*
*tapping*
*screeching speaker*
*silence*
*static*
*whispers*
"This is the Keymaster.."
*static*
"I have a visual... *clicking* ... do you?"
*static*
"Over"
*silence*
:wink:
People are Different
06.24.04 (11:40 am) [edit]People Are Different
Just Another Point of View
People are different,
The way we view everything varies so much from person to person.
The way we perceive love, anger, happiness, etc.
Every aspect that makes our life, life, is conformed of so many different things.
Different views, different points, different feelings, different beliefs.
What is important to one person may not even have been a thought in the mind of another,
Let alone something of importance. From the way you like your towels folded, if you even care if they are folded, to what you expect from others in relation to you. What we expect from life in general is so different from each others expectations.
One person may desire success, a nice house, a nice car, all the things a typical American strives to have… these things may be what it takes to make that person happy to a point that without it, they are very much unhappy.
Another person may desire things that have nothing to do with success or career. Perhaps as long as they have companionship, family, and love,,, material things and success or very much unimportant as long as their needs are met and it doesn’t stress the relationships they have.
Whereas another person may not care for either, perhaps they only want to be recognized… to be seen… some of us long to be noticed and acknowledged, to be known… and sometimes to the point that we really don’t care about having relationships, families, children, a successful career,,, as long as people know that we exist.
And then things can even get detailed into our everyday life as to what is important to us… all these things also vary and are very different.
From honesty, integrity, neatness, punctuality, justice, eating habits, traveling habits, entertainment, communication, many different things to many different people.
One person may not care if the house is clean or not, the other may stress out if one thing is out of place, and another may have a medium to where that as long as it’s not messy to a certain point then it’s acceptable.
Take eating habits, so very different. To some if you do not sit down to a home cooked meal at night, then your entire day is thrown off balance, whereas others could care less if it’s on the table or McDonald’s Drive through, but then others may enjoy supper on the table at night, but also enjoy going for take out so it really doesn’t matter as long as it’s not always one or the other.
Small things like this make a huge impact on your relationships with other people even though they seem frivolous.
This is why it’s so important to find someone with whom you can fit with on all aspects, or someone whom if you see or feel differently with, that there can be some medium in which you both are comfortable.
What music will you listen to?
In the car, will you cruise channels listening to no particular thing, will you put in your favorite CD, will you even listen to the radio? What about the person riding with you? What do they prefer to do? Are you flexible enough to find out, or are you someone set in your normal routine and determined to listen to what you normally listen to?
Little simple things to very complicated things affect the way you relate with others.
From the radio preference, to your feelings on shoplifting, from what’s for dinner, to illegal activity, from what’s your idea of a night out, to your feelings on drug use, alcohol, and theft and how you adapt all of your beliefs to your life.
People are so different…
We see people differently..
We take all of these beliefs and things we feel are important and we apply what we feel is right and the way we want to live or the way we do live and we make it an atlas to how we are suppose to make our way through life. And if others do not follow the same paths or choose the same method of transportation, we deem it unacceptable. Because it’s not the way we would prefer to do it.
But that doesn’t make us right,,, or wrong..
Sometimes, in life, we judge people. Sometimes is a very direct and attacking judgment we place on people, and sometimes we do it without even knowing that we do it.
And then it’s only in this case that we become wrong.
Because it’s not our place to judge that person.. it’s not our place to decide that because that person lives, deals, and works his life differently that it’s wrong… it’s our place to find our own place and make our own way, and accept others as we would wish to be accepted.
Of course that because there are such big differences, there are people that we cannot have close to us, or have as a part of our life,,, because we have things that are important to us, that aren’t important to them, and our beliefs, and feelings clash causing emotional and mental friction. So we choose to separate ourselves from these people and surround ourselves with those who can fit into our ways and our belief system. But we should allow those people.. all people to be who they are, and have love in our hearts for them nonetheless. No, I don’t mean Love them.. but in a sense I do.. Show compassion, understanding, and love to them. Just as you would wish to have from those around you.
People react differently. This is a normal thing- to react. “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The same is true emotionally. For every action that is taken against you, whether it be directly, indirectly, purposely, or accidental, there is a definite and certain reaction. Sometimes the reaction is subtle and discreet, and sometimes the reaction is very defined and forward. This all depends on the person and how they react.
Even when we are used to reacting on a certain level and in a certain way, there is no way to tell exactly what our reaction will be in situations that we are forced to react… I say forced because, no matter what the extent of the reaction,,, there is going to be one whether we want it or not.
Some people choose to withdraw, to suppress their reaction. They do this because when a reaction is forced on us.. we loose a sense of control, so our defense to that would be to suppress it in order to feel we have control over it. But in this sense, our detachment and withdrawing is still a reaction, only it is now a controlled reaction. There are many forms of controlled reactions. But in most cases a controlled reaction is thought out and decided upon. Whereas an uncontrolled reaction is almost as a reflex and is immediate and uncertain. We lash out, we yell, we hurt others or ourselves in an attempt to defend our hearts from the action taken against us. We become sometimes a victim… not only to the action taken against us, but to an emotional hijacking that is not in our control. When we loose control of our reaction and do things that we normally would not do, there is a definite emotional hijacking in which our mind has all the control and our sense of perception and reasoning are totally overcome with the need to defend and attack our attacker.
In cases where that we have no control over our emotional state and our method of defense, the only thing that keeps us from crossing lines that we do not wish to cross, is our belief system.. because no matter how out of control we are, or how angry, hurt, or wounded we are by the attack taken on us, our belief system is there in the background reminding our brain what we believe is right and wrong, and what we should and shouldn’t do. So no matter how much we do things that we normally wouldn’t do in a situation of an emotional hijacking, we still are not going to do anything that we do not believe is the right thing to do or that we tell ourselves somewhere that it’s “o.k.” or we have a reason for that will outweigh our normal controlled reaction.
People react and act differently. We are all different, it doesn’t make us better of worse than anyone else, nor more right or more wrong than any other. It just makes us different. We just have to learn to accept each others differences, and decide where and if others fit into our life.
A Promise of Forever
06.20.04 (8:03 am) [edit]It's so easy to tell someone that you will be with them forever,,, but when circumstances arise that you have to separate from that person, it doesn't mean that you have broken your promise... it only means that the person needs to be patient and give you the space you need until you work through whatever it is that you are going through.
And wait...
I have lost our Promise... but it is in my heart..
And I will always be there when you are with me and when you cannot be with me... I am here when you return... Just as I know that you are with me always.
In your absence I loose a little of myself...
Odd perhaps,, but true..
I have no ambition or inspiration...
But in your presence, I feel like I can do anything...
And I do.
I am here, when you are here, and when you are not.
I will stay so, just as I promised you, Eternity in this place with you I am bound, and I long to be so.
I was lost to darkness,,, thank you for bringing me back,,,
Everything is going to be okay now...
~ummm ok~
06.07.04 (1:57 pm) [edit]Well,,, this is my first post this month and I don't expect to have anymore this month on this blog.. perhaps silentscreams..
This is always a hard month for me, I dread to even see it come..
J, you were speaking of something like this in one of your posts so I really relate to you on that.
June... I had two people very close to me die, in separate incidents, separate years..
The dreaded 22 is the day that I chose to hang myself with my Xjerkoff and make that a memorable day to look forward to... and it all seems spread out.. on top of that,,, it seems that the worst things happen to me this month. Like it's cursed as J said...
So we are getting close to the bad stuff and I'm already feeling the depression... It started hitting me the other day and I cried.. for no apparant reason to those around me, but very much an eating inside my heart to me.
Yesterday was bad... I remember about this time last year sitting in the middle of my bed screaming while Tom yelled at me the most horrible things you could think to say to someone to make thim feel bad, and my heart breaking.. so the closer it gets to our anniversary the more those emotions seem to come back to me.
Perhaps I'm just now reallizing that I'm hurt... I've been so mad for so long, I never took the time to actually be hurt over it all... let alone grieve over the loss of my husband.. I was just so glad for it to be over.
Yesterday the sickening reallization hit me, "I still love him".
So now I have to decide how to deal with that.
No matter how much I deny it, or wish to forget the good things because of all the bad things.. they are still there... memories that are not all bad.. smiles, laughter, happiness.. all that was there before it all started to fall apart.. the things that I never actually took the time to reallize I lost when reallity hit me that day. I was so angry that no other emotions had time to surface..
I'm not that angry anymore...
I definately am.. but not like I was...
Kristie says that I have to forgive him in order to get on with my life.. and that's usually my advice to her. But in a funny change of circumstances,, no matter how many times I read "forgive and love again" it doesn't help me get past the anger.. and no matter how many times I tell myself I hate him,,, I really dont. I hate what he did to me, and the things he said to me.. I hated the truth.
So,,,
Here begins the healing process,,,
I now know that I am hurt and not just angry.. how do I deal with that...
Crying and smaishing my mirror didn't do it even though it did feel good at the moment.. it doesn't take it away.
I know that I have true love now.. and knowing that helps.. because if I had to live wondering if it existed or not.. if that what I had was like what everyone else had.. I don't think I could make it. Knowing that I have someone who is true, real, and sincere,, makes this so much better for me,, I know that I Have someone who is there for me and who is concerned about my well being.. but he can't make right someone elses wrongs... that's something I have to work through myself...
I feel better today.. I'm keeping a positive outlook that this is still going to be my best June in a long time.. everything else since then has been my best ever.. so why should this be different?
We'll see..
Shout Outs: Robert... Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you, miss our conversations...
J... Oogie got a haircut and he looks like you lol.. missin ya..
Kristie,,, Ummm,, I just wanted to put your name on there even though your just upstairs :p
Gate,,,, I'm still wondering where you are.. I been in Mcminville like four times in 2 weeks..
Kitahn,,, Me and Kristie are coming to Graceland! Tell Earl to put on his white jumpsuit!
Xrtemedelt... sorry I havent been on.. I'll IM you just as soon as I am so we can converse..
Jeremy Rhea,, I got your message,,, and umm yeah.. I remember you.. lol..
Jonathan.. I love you! Bunches and Bunches and Bunches..